Rebuilding Kirkwall
by Cheeky Trevelyan
Summary: Summary: Hawke returns to Kirkwall after leading the Grey Wardens to Weisshaupt. With everything that's happened since the chantry explosion, not everyone is happy to see her return. Hawke soon discovers Kirkwall isn't the only thing that needs rebuilding.
1. Chapter 1: Coming Home

A/N: So, I've taken almost an eight year hiatus from this site, but I'm back! It's been a long time since I've posted anything worth reading on this site, but I've been sitting on an idea via the Dragon Age fandom that begs to be written. THAT being said...

Disclaimer: This story will be HEAVY in the sense that I think Hawke has one of the best "untold" stories in the fandom. I still don't know why DA2 got so much heat. It was all about character development IMO, and really all the companions were amazing. She's a great complex character and I hope I do this little family of DA loyalists some justice here. This story will be post DA2 - I will be touching on different perspectives as far as the chantry explosion and Hawke post DAI. The Marian Hawke in this story: is voiced as Sarcastic/Rouge Hawke. Hawke/Fenris, Sided with the mages during the final battle in DA2 (to which sister Bethany survived), allowed Anders to live and made an enemy out of Sebastian Vael due to it.

I'm pretty receptive to feedback, so I hope you enjoy!

Summary: Hawke returns to Kirkwall after leading the Grey Wardens to Weisshaupt. With everything that's happened since the chantry explosion, not everyone is happy to see her return.

" _Everyone has a story they tell themselves to justify bad decisions... and it never matters. In the end, you are always alone in your actions."_

It'd been almost six years since Hawke had stepped foot in Kirkwall. There'd been an immeasurable amount of guilt leading up to it, of course. Sure Varric had become Viscount, but that didn't erase the nightmare that'd been plaguing her ever since the Chantry explosion. Had she done the right thing by letting Anders live? Had she been right in siding with the mages to begin with? Perhaps Fenris was right in saying that magic taints everything it touches.

Still, there she stood in the Gallows, reminiscent of the first time she'd made this trek. _What's a year in servitude?_ This coming home was almost bittersweet. They'd surely come a long way since working for Athenril. Sometimes she wasn't so sure she'd left those days completely behind her.

"Girl." The tone was sharp, yet familiar from behind. A voice that belonged to a man Hawke had become very close to since her mother had passed away.

"Uncle Gamlen." Gamlen was greeted by a smile before she had completely looked him over. Age had not been kind to her dear uncle; expectedly so. Still, Hawke had come to terms with the fact that he was all she had now that Bethany had joined a circle in Ferelden amidst the urging of an ally Hawke had come to know during the short time she aided the Inquisition.

The walk through the Gallows had brought back memories that the rogue had thought buried long ago. She almost felt like this was her walk of shame and Gamlen showing her off like the awful prize he'd bestowed on all of Kirkwall. Still, she walked alongside her uncle taking notice of the whispers from onlookers. The city itself had still been undergoing major recovery since the chantry explosion. Surely Varric had been responsible for its transformation. The Templars that had once marched the city no longer stood their posts, and there wasn't a mage in sight. The walk up to Hightown caused a stir deep inside of Marian. She couldn't help but wonder if the streets were still run rampant by thugs at night, or if…

Stopped in her tracks she stood face to face with Fenris' mansion. Gamlen, a few steps ahead of her turned back. One look to the rundown mansion, then back to her, he scoffed. "Nasty old place. Surprised it hasn't completely fallen to the ground." It wasn't the structure of the building that had given Marian chills, but rather what was inside. "Come on girl. I've got some friends coming over to the Estate for Wicked Grace soon. Don't want to be late."

Haunted by her own memories, Hawke nodded without a word. "You go on ahead uncle. I remember where my estate is." Walking up to the door of Fenris' mansion, her hand reaches out coyly towards the doorknob before she pulls back and notices Gamlen hasn't left his position.

"Nobody's seen him since the Chantry explosion." The tone in his voice was cold, but Hawke understood in Gamlen's own way, it was as compassionate as he'd ever get towards her.

"I…how did…" Clearing her throat, she sighed and turned back in the direction of her estate. It was going to be a long difficult road reclaiming the parts of her she'd lost during her time away from Kirkwall. The city wasn't the only thing that needed rebuilt.


	2. Chapter 2: Where's Hawke?

A/N: I really loved the feedback about the possible Gamlen/Hawke Family-relationship. I like to think he's a big ole softly sans finding out he has a daughter and his relationship with Charade has softened him some when it comes to Hawke and Bethany. Well, as much as to be expected from Gamlen. But I digress! You guys are awesome, thanks for reading. Appreciate the feedback! ;* all of it!

Weeks had passed since Hawke had returned to Kirkwall. She succeeded in playing possum towards those who stopped by the estate to inquire about her arrival. Much to Gamlen's dismay; he hadn't been this popular in his entire life. It'd been even longer since she'd received a letter from Varric. Surely he had heard about her return, or at the very least suspected it.

Varric was Marian's best friend. Their time in Skyhold, and later at Adament was sufficient enough to lay to rest any ill will one had for the other. She remembered the letter from Varric that had brought her to Skyhold. It'd been the first time they'd made contact since her so called **_companions_** had left her side.

 _"_ _Hawke,_

 _I'm sorry I haven't written you sooner, but we're ass deep in demons at every turn. I care about you. Sometimes more than maybe I should. What the Seeker is doing here; this whole thing. It's bigger than what happened in Kirkwall. It's bigger than Meredith. I hate to ask, because you've been through so much already. We need your help._

 _Always thinking about you, Varric"_

Meredith's ghost continues to haunt Hawke. Had she just been more careful about whom she trusted. What about the prison? If only they had made sure Coryphaeus was dead. Truly dead. The statement from Varric backing what the inquisition was doing was all the validation she needed to help. She wanted to be angry at Varric. Scream at him for leaving her side. She'd heard stories of the Hero of Ferelden and her companions. The kinship people talked about while reciting their tales. Perhaps she was a little envious of that. She was _envious_ of that. Even more so, after seeing it first hand with the Inquisition.

Locked away in her old bedroom inside the estate, Hawke had wondered if she'd been on the verge of going mad. This was the city she'd discovered herself in. Why she'd become so afraid of facing it had been uncharacteristic of her.

"Girl, there's someone here to see you." Pounding on the door came hard and fast, her bedroom staying locked with her inside for the better part of the weeks passed. "I'm not your servant. Come out here right now!" The pounding halted only for a few moments before the portrait of Leandra came crashing off the wall. That again only to be proceeded by a series of knocks again.

Making her way to the door, she quickly moved her hands over the locks, and then slowly turned the knob open. It wasn't Gamlen on the other end of the door facing her this time, it was Varric. "Hawke!" He seemed pleased to see her. "I need to have Leliana's scouts fired for misinformation. I had no idea you were back from Weisshaupt. What happened? Are you okay? You never returned any of my letters."

"Varric, I never got any letters." Hawke stared at him for a moment before turning back into her bedroom to grab something from her drawer. All of his letters; none of which from her time in Weisshaupt. "You had Leliana's scouts spying on me?"

"Spying is such a strong word. I prefer keeping an eye out for." He gives a relieved look up at her and those piercing blue eyes instantaneously soften his expression. "I thought… after everything in Skyhold and what happened before you went into the fade."

"That I'd finally die." Her tone hard, and unapologetic.

"That I wouldn't be able to say goodbye, again." He sits on the edge of her bed and lets out a sigh. There hadn't been many women he cared about in his life. Bianca, sure. Merrill, Aveline, Bethanny, hell even the seeker. None of them measured up to how he felt about Hawke though. She was just different. Hawke had eventually joined him on the bed and stared at the wall where Leandra's portrait had been. There'd even been a heavy sob that shot through her body, as if to say, 'let it out, it's okay.' But she refrained. Varric wanted to discuss a lot of things with her. Starting with what had happened in the fade, the moment the two of them shared before the Inquisition had headed to Adament. The more topics started piling up in his head, the more he could sense Hawke pulling away from him. "The seeker said you… wanted to die. That leading those Warden's to Weisshaupt was a suicide mission."

"In the fade, there was a demon that preyed on our nightmares. I thought I'd already lived my worst, but found very quickly that I still have people I care very deeply for and couldn't afford to lose. Bethanny, Gamlen, Fenris, you, An... He told me you'd all die because of me, that I couldn't save you." Hawke didn't _want_ to die. She felt responsible for Coryphaeus. For the red lyrium. For the mages and Templars. All of it. "I went to Weisshaupt because I thought he'd be there." She had to fix what Anders had broken. She had to finish what she'd started. What they had inadvertently started.

Forcing a sigh and heavy breath through his nostrils, Varric gives a look. "He made his own bed darling; you can't save Blondie any more now than you could then." Varric didn't want to know what made her think Anders would be in Weisshaupt, or why she'd be on a one woman mission to find him and not Fenris. What had happened to Hawke? She looked and sounded like the woman he knew and loved, but she didn't act like her.


	3. Chapter 3: Aveline

Varric had convinced Hawke to come stay with him for a few days. Give her back a glimpse of normalcy that she once had in Kirkwall. All of that included pints at the Hanged Man... err, newly reformed Hanged Man. It'd lost a lot of its allure during the fighting between the mages and Templars. Still, it was the beginning of what made their friendship so special.

He'd even convinced Hawke to walk down to the alienage to see all the great work Merrill had done there. With how fast news spread about Solas and Fen'harel – she was surprised to still see as many elves as he did living peacefully there. Merrill had started her own clan right there in Lowtown, giving the elven peace of mind.

"Merrill did all of this?" Hawke couldn't hide the disbelief in her tone. The elves living peacefully among the people here in Kirkwall? Had she ever truly left the fade? Lowtown had really changed, for the better it seemed. Varric swore it had everything to do with Merrill coming back to Kirkwall and less of his being viscount, but a lot of the people in Kirkwall had accused him of favoritism among the people. Hawke continued to make her way through the alienage, the merchants that had set up shop and smiled, again in disbelief; this time mixed with an emotion an older sister would have for her younger. "Does she know about Solas?" Of course she did, who didn't at this point?

"I think she took the news worse than the Inquisitor – and she was in love with him." Varric vehemently let out before leading the way down an alley. "Daisy will be alright though. How are you holding up? Been pretty quiet today."

"Are you keeping tabs Varric?"

"Can't an old dwarf just be curious about a friend?"

Hawke grimaced at the thought before noticing that they'd walked all the way back to the Hanged Man. Had the alienage really spread that far into town? Once inside the old building, she propped her feet up on a table and smiled to herself. This was nice.

"I ever tell you about the time the Inquisitor and I..."

Before he could get out another word the door came swinging open and a tall stocky ginger haired woman came walking straight through it. Behind the woman was someone Hawke quickly recognized as Ser Donnic. "Aveline. I know you're ups.."

"Upset? You think I'm upset? Leave Kirkwall without a word, Sure, I'm upset. Follow Anders all throughout Ferelden without contact with any of us, yes. I was upset. Reading Fenris' letter about how he lost your tail – yes, upset. Hearing you almost died, again upset. Finding out from that scum Gamlen that you've been back in town for nearly a months time?" Aveline leaned in and gave a look of disappointment. "I'm livid Hawke."

"I accept that." There wasn't much else Hawke could offer as an apology, but she gave it her best go at it and followed up with several more rounds of ale as the night progressed.


	4. Chapter 4: Why did you leave?

Note:

Hey guys! I just wanted to thank you for sticking with me (even during my little hiatus here) I appreciate everyone who's taken the time to read this and hope you enjoy this chapter!

* * *

Varric had tried his best to help aid Hawke in whatever way possible since her return to Kirkwall. Much to her disfavor, he even got Aveline to drop by at her estate from time to time. Aveline no longer had the compassion for Hawke like she used to. This made every conversation more difficult than the last. Still, she showed up on the third day of every week. Aveline wasn't sure whose mind it put at ease more; hers, or the dwarfs.

"She's not herself. I need you to just be there. Strange shit happened in the fade, and it affected her." Varric tried to reason, but without a lot of the details, it was a difficult feat.

"I just don't understand why she's here. She left. She left us. If that doesn't scream guilt, I don't know what does." Aveline spat, clearly upset. After the chantry explosion, there wasn't much conversation between any of them. Not for a while, anyway.

"She didn't have a choice." Varric argued. He'd defend Hawke until he was blue in the face.

"Yes I did." Hawke interrupted. She placed her hand on the door and shut it behind her. It'd been her first time back here. Aveline's office still looked the same, which relieved her in a sense. She continued to look around while both Aveline and Varric caught their barring's. "She's right, you know? I did have a choice. I chose to leave." Looking from Varric to Aveline, Hawke propped herself up on the desk and swung one foot over the other. "I know what's on your mind Aveline."

"I don't think you do Hawke."

"Sure I do." Hawke spat back. Varric could only watch the exchange between the two. "You think I left because I knew this was going to happen. I knew what Anders was doing all along. It's why I let him live. It's why I helped him gather his mysterious materials. Why I went after him."

"I..Ye…"

"Well I must have. Why else would Fenris abandon me during all of this? Why wouldn't I come back to Kirkwall and face judgement."

"Hawke." Varric whispered softly, maybe staying silent wasn't the best thing he could do right now.

"It's okay Varric. Let her speak." Aveline scolded. "Do not think I am a child Hawke. I have cared for you like a sister. If you would have only told me…"

"If I had only told you, you wouldn't have believed me. I helped Anders destroy your home. I helped him kill Ethina. I helped him. It never ends. Merrill and her damned evil mirror; Isabella and her tome. Should I go on or…"

"Why did you come back?" Aveline's arms were now folded across the chest and Hawke stood to match her.

The way Aveline spoke her name was cold. It was barely recognizable. Maybe the damage Hawke had caused was far beyond repair here. She let the question process for a moment and bowed out of the conversation graciously.

"Not for this." Hawke whispered; her eyes tear filled. "I just wanted to come home."

"You no longer have a home here in Kirkwall." Aveline shot back, still standing firm.

Varric, worried looked from one woman to the next, defeated by the exchange. "Hawke." He cried out when she left the room. "Aveline!" He called out when she too left him in the room by himself. "Shit."

"So that's it then. You're just going to run out, again!" Aveline called out after Hawke, who'd already made it half way out of the building. "Coward. You're a coward Hawke."

Those words made Hawke stop in her tracks and she turned back around and marched right up to Aveline and pushed her as hard as she could. "Take it back!"

Aveline pushes her harder, making the former champion stumble backwards. The guards didn't know what to make of the exchange and an exhausted Varric watched on in pure disbelief. "I will not!"

"I said, .BACK!" Hawke pushed, her blood now boiling to the point she takes a swing at Aveline and makes contact with her face. It takes mere seconds before the both of them are fighting with one another on the floor; both screaming obscenities at the other. Aveline manages to keep Hawke at bay and sits on top of her to keep her down. "GET OFF OF ME!"

"NO HAWKE."

"GET OFF OF ME!" Hawke cries out, but Aveline pushes her down harder making it utterly impossible for Hawke to move. The ginger warrior keeps her pinned down, even after noticing Hawke's real tears falling. "Please…I want to die… just let me die!"

"Hawke." Varric whispered before motioning to the guards that the show was over and to get back to doing whatever it was they did. He placed a hand on Aveline's shoulders and she was still relentless and wouldn't let up.

Aveline's heart nearly shattered in her chest at the words. It wasn't the words though that had struck a cord, but the emotions that backed them. Hawke wanted to die. This wasn't the woman she knew after their final battle together. This was someone else. "Why did you leave?" The question was more of a statement. Parting words on Aveline's behalf before she let up on the weight she was pressing against Hawke's body to let her up. Aveline looked around and she could only imagine how this must have looked. Guard-Captain in a full on punching bag fight with the former Champion of Kirkwall. She looked to Varric and then back at Hawke who was still lying on the ground in tears. The first time Aveline had been able to finally see her. What was left of her, at least?

Varric had moved to help Hawke up and sighed. This would have probably been more effective three years ago. "Come on Hawke."


End file.
